My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The adults are the big ones right?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
