hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
