Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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