the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
