I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
