take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm sobbing to NWA
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
