yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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