Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
