and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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