Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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