The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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