I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize