That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
