Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
