at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
