I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
