i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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