Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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