okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
