who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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