Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
