um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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