Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
