wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
