It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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