if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Holy sore nipples Batman
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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