I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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