Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
