It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
