I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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