my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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