I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
