When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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