He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
