I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
