i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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