Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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