So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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