Need sex. Gaining weight.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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