I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
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I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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