i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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