we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
