this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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