oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pooping to opera.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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