I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
