How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
