i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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