we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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