They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
