I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I could make wine with my vomit
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
