I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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