i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
