he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
