I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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