I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
