Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
