Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Welp...herpes.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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