you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
