Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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