last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
