big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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