We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
