She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
