remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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