He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
