worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Damn victory sex feels great
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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