dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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