I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize