we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i will never coherently bang her
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i drank out of a bidet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
