Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
