I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
