Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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