can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
