If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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