so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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