he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
