I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
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No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
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I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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