your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
