Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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