wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
